how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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