You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
