I am puke
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
the raccoons are back...
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