if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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