I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
