I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
