Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
