i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
