its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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