he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
