Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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