I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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