hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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