Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
