if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
