At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
