I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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