All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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