My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
