i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
