Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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