how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
