Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
