I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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