I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
