What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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