I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
