he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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