i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
