I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
