i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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