i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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