You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
