No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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