ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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