You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
