my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
