Your mouth is God's brothel.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
