I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
