he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
