I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
