I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
