I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
