Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
