I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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