what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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