Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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