in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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