All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
