Im at strip club and am horny
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
