I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
